Skeletons on the front lawn

"If people searched your belongings after you died, would they be surprised at what they would find?"

This was one of the questions I answered on my OK Cupid profile. (Yes I have an account, no I'm not shy about it.) I answered "maybe, a little" but I want the answer to be "NO." Not because I want to clear my life of controversial activities, but because I don't want my "skeletons" to be hidden in a closet. It's all about the moral of Congruence.

"About morals, I know only that what is moral is what you feel good after and what is immoral is what you feel bad after."

-Ernest Hemingway

We naturally feel internal discomfort anytime we speak against our thoughts, or act against our words. This is a subconscious mechanism to have us always stay congruent. 

I don't think anyone I know would describe me as a "moral" person. I'm almost completely indifferent to both politics and religion, I frequently debauch until sunrise, and sometimes I don't wash my hands after I use the bathroom. My sense of right and wrong is often directed by how I feel at a given moment. Good and bad are matters of perception. Morality is subjective. 

My only concrete "moral" is congruence. Congruence is having all of your thoughts, speech, and action in alignment. Congruence is about representing every aspect of yourself, good, bad, and ugly without filtering. 

If there is something you do that you would be embarrassed about, either stop doing it, or stop being embarrassed. To continue doing something incongruent with your image is a crime against self. If you truly believe that you are doing the right thing, then you should be able to defend your actions without shame. You are whoever you are. Act that way.

The Virtue of Selfishness

"Secure your mask first, children and others after."

Anyone who has been on an airplane has heard a flight attendant say those safety instructions. The logic is simple. In the case of an air-related emergency (I'm not actually sure what would cause the masks to fall down), any "self-less" dude who tries to help a child with her mask before fixing his own may end up passing out, leaving both man and child in peril. When it comes to security, resources, or even emotional support, you can't help others till you help yourself. 

Only the strong can protect the weak, only rich can care for the poor, only the smart can look out for the stupid. Of course not every strong, rich, smart individual will use his or her powers for good. Why do bad things happen to good people? Because they let them, and good and bad are subjective. 

"The best thing you can do for the world is make the most of yourself."

-Wallace Wattles, The Science of Getting Rich

Doing right by you is the best thing you can do for everyone else.

You have to have it before you can give it away.

How Arnold feels when he improves himself

Maybe you won't feel this good after a productive activity, but its something to strive for ;)

What The Sims taught me about playing life

Growing up, I was a huge fan of Maxis's "Sims" games. My interest started with Sim Tower at 7 years old to and went to the most recent Sim City-which I reluctantly admit to playing earlier this year. When The Sims came out in 2000, I had to buy it. The Sims taught me a big lesson that shaped my outlook on how I spend my time.

The Sims is a game for "casual gamers." You create the appearance and personalities of various Sims and let them simulate. That's it. The only objectives are the ones that you create for them- achieving wealth, moving up in their careers, hooking up, raising families, whatever. It was your job to direct the Sims' actions so they could take care of their various needs: hunger, energy, social, hygiene, bladder, fun; and work on their skills: cooking, creativity, logic, charisma, mechanical, and athleticism. These needs could be taken care of in a variety of ways, which is what made the game so fun. 

I became totally attached to the first Sims family I created. The dad was an aspiring astronaut, the mom was a paramedic, they had two kids, and had the couple from next door move in with them- Full House style. My chief aim to was to get them promoted as high as possible so that they could make lots of money and build an awesome house with more things to do. 

Uncle Jesse and Aunt Becky were totally necessary.

I realized pretty quickly that certain activities gave double benefits. You could make a Sim watch TV to load up his "fun meter," OR you could make him swim which helps his "fun meter" and bolsters his "Athletic skill." With a stronger body the Sim could get certain promotions AND enjoy swimming even more. Sims who worked on skill development earlier always ended up earning more and being happier by doing more. 

Self-improvement activities lead to permanent benefits 

and are more fun in the long run.

My magnificent obsession with self-improvement didn't start till many years later around when I turned 16 and realized that playing Mario Kart on N64 may have been part of the reason that I was severely underweight, girlfriend-less, socially awkward, and perpetually bored. I turned to boxing and wrestling because "kicking ass" seemed like a good skill to have. Lifting weights and hitting punching bags totally sucked at first. But after a month of getting stronger they became way more fun than video games ever were.

I haven't been in a fight outside of a ring since...ever really, and I no longer play competitive sports, but the intense 2 year investment that I made in physical culture is still paying dividends. My anaerobically-augmented metabolism lets me eat junk and not get fat, I can run a 5k faster than most "avid runners," I often get picked first in football despite weighing only 145 lbs, and I have incredible stamina when it comes to most things ;)

Please select lifestyle.

The past 7 years I've tried to spend as much time as possible doing things that paid a long term dividend. Some of the ones I recommend are:

• Almost any kind of Martial Arts: Boxing/Kickboxing is the best for the violent. Judo/Jiu-Jitsu if you like the feeling of controlling another person. MMA is cool if you want a little of both. Tai Chi/Kung Fu if you are more turned on by the "Art" of Martial Arts. Either way, the physical benefit and emotional peace you get from training to "beat people up" will change your soul.
• Toastmasters: It's funny. When people ask me for hobby recommendations, way more people get freaked out by speaking in front of a group than getting punched by a boxing glove. Conquering "the number one fear" immediately makes you better than other people. Also very important for leadership ability.
• Reading Non-Fiction, specifically on Psychology: You can't learn people skills from a book. Trust me. But knowledge of how the mind works is not only fascinating, but really helps in your interactions with others. There are a ton of great books out there on pop psychology. If learning scares you, start with Malcolm Gladwell.
• Improv: Would you like to be funnier? Think faster? Have a more upbeat personality? And laugh your ass off? Improv is the single most beneficial activity I know that anyone can do. Often I'll say something hilarious on a date or hanging with friends and think, "where did I come up with that?... Oh yeah, Improv!" 

"Time is free, but it's priceless. You can't own it, but you can use it. You can't keep it, but you can spend it. Once you've lost it, you can never get it back." 

- Harvey McKay

You can have fun by spending your time, or by investing your time, either way time is used. There are a million interesting things to do that will pay you back in the long run. Channel surfing and wasteful entertainment are empty calories. Steak tastes just as good as cake. Only one of them is good for you. Ya dig?

Branded-ed: Minding what Matters

"Moo."

True marketing of the self starts with sharpening the product around a definite brand. Who gets branded? Cows get branded. The original term "branding" refers to burning a mark on livestock to denote their ownership and identity. You may not have taken a hot iron to the ass (I hope), but you most definitely have a brand.

Your brand is the sum of the thoughts and feelings associated with you.

To have a powerful brand you have to have a specific meaning to specific people. Gone are the days of mass marketing where it was possible to appeal to everyone and still matter to anyone. In Purple Cow, Seth Godin talks about how Jalapeno Ice Cream appeals to a very select fringe of the ice cream-eating market. But people who like Jalapeno Ice Cream, really like Jalapeno Ice Cream. These Jalepeno Ice Cream enthusiasts will travel ridiculous distances to get some.

"You cannot make it as a wandering generality. You must become a meaningful specific."

-Zig Ziglar

No one travels far for vanilla. No one craves vanilla at 4 am. No one will defend vanilla when vanilla's reputation is on the line. Vanilla appeals to everyone, as in it doesn't offend anyone. You don't necessarily have to try turn people off. Just know that if your target audience to has strong positive associations with you, those not in your audience may have negative associations with you. Think about some of the powerful personal brands today: Lady Gaga, Bill O'Reilly, Barack Obama- their haters would kill them, their fans would kill for them. In high school, someone will always hate the jocks, the rockers, and the valedictorians. No one hates the quiet average kid who lacks defining qualities- no one know who he is!

Self-branding Question 1:

Who to do you want to matter to?

(Target Audience)

I know there are plenty of people who I will never appeal to. I have a potty mouth and make analogies that sometimes don't make sense. That's fine. The people I do appeal to are cool with that. Anything worth loving is worth talking about. Anything worth talking about is worth talking shit about.

Too many people play it safe and wonder why their resume, their headshot, or their sales pitch gets lost in the sauce. There is too much vanilla out there already. Your better bet is to make your own flavor. Someone, somewhere, will like it. Chances are thats who you want to buy you anyway.

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."

-Dr. Seuss

Notice that we want to matter, not force a meaning. What does Jalapeño Ice Cream mean to a Jalapeño Ice Cream enthusiast? I don't know, go ask one. Social media's two-way communication prevents brands from forcing associations as they could in the mass media age. Whole Foods can't force consumers into seeing them as the "green supermarket." Chad Ochocinco can't force his followers into seeing him the "badass NFL receiver" (well, used to be.) However, their actions can influence discussions that may lead to those perceptions.

Self-branding Question 2:

How to you want to matter intially?

(Presentation of Content)

Your message is a projectile. You can determine it's initial direction and velocity (yes I'm a physics nerd, I know), but you can't control the external forces from there- what people will say about it. How you matter comes from what you do, and really who you are. Who to do want to be to your target audience? Assume that role and that's where you'll start. If your brand carries any value, your audience will start talking and effectively develop the brand for you. From their you can only guide, but not steer.

Of course, you need to get the ball off the ground first.

Building your brand means letting go. Letting go of the mass market. You can't please everyone- if you do you will be meaningless to everyone. You can't control your meaning either. People will say what they say, you can only join the conversation. For instance, I want to make character development "cool." I want show how self-improvement isn't just for new agey tree-huggers and bow tie-wearing super-christians (sorry Zig, I'm still a big fan). Obviously its a little hard to do that while still appealing to bow-tie-wearers. Create your message and let it go. Dr. Seuss said so.

What to do on a Sunday afternoon

"Millions long for immortality, who don't know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon."

-Susan Ertz

"Hey bro, what is the meaning of life?"

People go way too deeply into this question. Its really not that deep of a question at all. In fact its a nonsensical question if you don’t put a context around it. What is the meaning of weather? What’s the meaning a car? What’s the meaning of Tina Turner? Unless you are trying to define a term, those questions sound silly.

But lets put it in a context that can make sense. What is the meaning of life...for a tree?

An individualist can say a tree's purpose is to grow to the best of nature's ability and produce more awesome trees. Or a collectivist may say the tree's purpose is to serve the ecosystem by providing fruit and shelter for all the jungle critters. Either way, the meaning of life for one tree is basically the same as the meaning of life for any other tree of that species. “Self-actualization” for a tree is universal. The way one can benefit the world is also the same across the species. This is true for almost all living things.

Humans are little more complex. We are conscious, kind of. At least conscious enough to ask “Hey bro, what’s the meaning of life?” More consciousness, more problems.

Humans were able to grow flourishing societies due to specialization. Initially every cave-person had to hunt for themselves. Once agriculture became cool, an agriculturally-gifted caveman could make enough food for the whole village, another caveman could make enough baseball caps for everyone, and suddenly the other 43 cavemen had nothing to do. These idle cavemen could now pursue interests that may or may not benefit the other cavemen. One cavewoman loved singing so she learned to sing beautifully and the other cavemen loved it. She became a singer. Another caveman learned how to throw a mean fastball. They made him the pitcher on the caveman travel team.

We were all designed to be able to do something. Your caveman genes wouldn't have made it this far if you didn't have the ability to specialize in something awesome. Your genes definitely didn't adapt so you could do something boring or frustrating for the next 40 years.

What would you do if all your food, housing, and security needs were taken care of?

If you live in a first world country that shouldn’t be too hard of a question to ask. The major constraint for most people are bills and other man-made obligations. But in the complete story of your life, whats more important, your cell phone bill or your self-worth? To feel fulfilled, you must do what interests you. To get paid, you must do something that gives value to others. There is no reason why they can't be the same thing.

There is something you can be good at. Something you love to do, and would love to do for a living. Be a good human. Find your muse.

The One Who Knocks

http://hereandnow.wbur.org/files/2010/03/0318_cranston-e1269050096142.jpg

"I'm not in danger. I AM danger!"

There is no definite set of actions that will land you in a “successful” result. There is always uncertainty. It's like Heisenberg's principle, where you can’t measure the velocity and the location of a particle at the same time (I know you science-illiterate Breaking Bad fans were wondering where “Heisenberg” came from); You can never assess the success of your current situation and how quickly you are going to your new location simultaneously. No matter how well or poorly you think you are doing, there will always be something left to chance.

Although life is uncertain, its not a total crap-shoot. If you have a college degree and get a job related to your major, the chances of you ending up in poverty are (supposedly) extremely low unless you take on drugs, gambling, or fail at business.

“Career Planning” aims to reduce uncertainty. Since poverty is the main fear of everyone, most take a strategy to prevent poverty. This includes getting a certain level of education with the expectation to get a job of high security, and reasonable salary. The “no-poverty” strategy usually aims at slightly better than average and greatly reduces your chances of extreme failure, but also extreme success. As this strategy proves to become effective at protecting against failure and resulting in better than average, more and more people adopt it till it becomes the strategy of the masses.

Fisherman always aim to maximize their catch by fishing in the most fish dense areas. If a certain area of the ocean proves to render great fish, all the fisherman will flock there. After some time that area becomes over-fished, and no longer benefits anyone. The problem occurs when so many individuals take the same strategy that it loses it’s competitive advantage. If the number of individuals of people using the mass strategy becomes too large, it will effectively decrease the average payoff. You can "over-fish" a strategy too.

When I started undergrad in 2006, there was a large demand for Finance majors on the east coast. This “hot” information caused a disproportionate number of of my peers to choose Finance as their major. Most people are “external opportunists”- they do whatever they think will offer the easiest payout based on external circumstances. Majoring in Finance was the mass strategy. No one saw the error adopting this strategy till 3-4 years later when an abundance of Finance majors started graduating an there were hardly any Finance jobs available. That area of the job market had been over-fished.

When it comes to any life strategy, career or otherwise, there is a Red Queen race between the individual and the masses. “The Red Queen” refers to the Alice in Wonderland character whose country is constantly moving so she has to run just to stay still. The faster she moves, the faster the land moves, so she never really gets anywhere. The same goes for those who copy what everyone else is doing. Once everyone and their grandma starts doing the same thing, the playing field is leveled, and all the players are back to where they started.

The only way to protect yourself against the exhaustion of a red queen race, is to not run in it. If you play into what you think society or your peers will pat you on the back for, you will always be a bitch of the masses. That doesn't mean sit around and do nothing. One must realize that no matter what path you take, you will always be exposed to chance. My "starving artist" friends are doing just about as well as my "9-5" friends. You might as well do what you are most interested in because being "an opportunist" leaves you vulnerable to the whims of the market. The path that will give you the highest probability of success - whatever you define it as - is doing what you find fulfilling.

http://images.wikia.com/breakingbad/images/d/d1/Heisenberg_S4.jpg

Who are you talking to right now? Who is it you think you see? Do you know how much I make a year? I mean, even if I told you, you wouldn't believe it. Do you know what would happen if I suddenly decided to stop going into work? A business big enough that it could be listed on the NASDAQ goes belly up. Disappears! It ceases to exist without me. No, you clearly don't know who you're talking to, so let me clue you in. I am not in danger, Skyler. I AM the danger! A guy opens his door and gets shot and you think that of me? No. I am the one who knocks!"

-Walter White, Breaking Bad

Our Impotent Generation

http://nymag.com/news/features/my-generation-2011-10/

Our generation has E.D.

We, the “Millennials,” the most recent college graduates, are supposed to be popping our life cherries- only most of us can’t get it up. Record high unemployment and underemployment means that your barista at Starbucks may have actually scored better on the SATs than you did. (The one who just served me my Salted Caramel Mocha definitely has a better vocabulary than I do.) Many blame the economy, the government, education, or “Wall Street.” Yes there are some unfavorable conditions out there right now. But it’s time to grow a pair and stop blaming the environment for your whisky dick.

Many of our talented peers have been forced to revert to communism-a.k.a collect unemployment. (I’ll be giving handys to truckers before I give up on capitalism but that’s besides the point). You can’t blame the economy. “Occupy Wall Street” was born of young people who are rebelling against the game because they never learned how to play. Today’s college grad has a great education on how to be fed, but most don’t know how to fish.

New York Magazine’s October 24th cover article, with caption “Sucks to be Us,” documents the current situation of young Americans, who can’t find meaningful work despite “doing the right thing.” “Right” meaning conventional. If you went to high school in the 21st century it should look very familiar. Here it is simplified:

1. Get good grades/SAT score.
2. Go to most expensive school who will accept you.
3. Major in a field where there is a “demand.”
4. Get good grades and “participate” in extra-curricular activities to fill up your resume.
5. Go back-packing in Europe before you “commit to your career."
6. Get a “cushy” job (and pray you don’t have a mid-life crisis.)
7. Settle down in the suburbs with 2.5 kids and dog.
8. Retire, cash in on your IRA, tell your grand-kids to do the same.

Many are met with frustration when they follow the formula to a T and but don’t find the promised land. We have the highest unemployment rate of adults with college degrees (and the corresponding debt) since WWII. Noreen Malone, the author of the previously mentioned New York mag article and fellow 20-something, quotes her friend Lael who exclaimed,

“[T]ell me what I need to do to get ahead, because I did everything right!”

The conventional formula was made with good intentions. The conventional path becomes convention because at one point it was strategy with the highest probability of the desired result: “not being a fuck up.” Parents and teachers in the last 2-3 decades wanted a way to recreate “success” in cookie-cutter fashion. This mass production of “successful” worker-bees has zapped many Millennials individual determinism, removing the passion for self-actualization. Ayn Rand must be spinning in her grave.

"Happiness is that state of consciousness which proceeds from the achievement of one's values."

Read more:http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/a/ayn_rand.html#ixzz1c5cIcgCm

When I was in college we were taught “how to have a career.” The School of Management even had a class on resume writing and interviewing- as if there was a formula to “selling yourself.” Resume templates and prep questions made all the business students at the University of Buffalo quasi-identical “job-hunting ants.” The result is obliviousness to a common sense truth:

Marketing yourself doesn't matter if the product sucks.

Seth Godin kicked Madison Avenue in the balls with Purple Cow. For those of you not in marketing and have never heard of it, the gist of the book is that the best marketing is in the product itself. Today it’s too easy to distribute information with this Internet thingy people are using. No amount of advertising will sell a product that isn’t worth talking about. The best marketing is to make the product remarkable, and let the word spread. This is true for a person as much if not more so than a product.

Kids are being being taught to strive for grades over knowledge, credentials over experience. Ideally your grades are a representation of what you know, but many Dean’s List recipients have no idea how to apply such knowledge a semester later. Your resume is supposed represent your character and experiences. But if your activity in the student government was just a ploy to be “marketable,” you are no better than a broken down car with a fresh coat of paint.

“I admit my co-secretaryship of the math club had nothing to do with any passion for numbers and much to do with the extra credit points.”

-Noreen Malone, The Kids Are Actually Sort of Alright. New York Magazine. Oct 24th, 2011.

Too much weight has been placed on seeking others’ approval. Basing your success on whether or not a recruiter is impressed by your resume forfeits your locus of control. If the job market shifts (I hear we’re in a recession), then suddenly the time you spent on “impressive activities” is worthless. You’ve invested in Confederate money.

"Dagnabbit!"

Jefferson Davis would have been a billionaire if only the South had won.

Developing skills and character is the only investment that is guaranteed a return. Working on yourself for your own fulfillment means you will have recession-proof value. This will always be rewarded with positive life experiences even if Corporate America isn’t giving handouts. A highly developed skill set means you can stay hard regardless of the economy or any other circumstances. Hopefully the shitty economy will teach our impotent generation that we are not entitled to anything. You might actually have to stimulate yourself in order to get it up.

p.s. I'm not anti-Occupy Wall Street. I'm actually a big fan of free speech and drum circles,