End to procrasturbation

If you are procrastinating about something, one can make the following assumptions:
• The end result is important you.
• The means to the end is unpleasant in some way.

If the end wasn’t important, then you wouldn’t call it procrastinating. If you don’t care about becoming a violinist, you can’t procrastinate your violin practice, duh. If the activity was enjoyable you wouldn’t put it off. You don’t procrastinate planning your next vacation do you?

So procrastination actually comes down to two dueling perceptions:
• How much you desire the end result: Your perception of how good the payoff will be.

• How unpleasant you expect the activity is: Your perception how to get the payoff.

"Victory belongs to those who want it the most...who want it the longest." - Lt.Col. Doolittle

"To achieve success, whatever job we have, we must pay a price." -Vince Lombardi

"You don't pay the price for success, you pay the price for failure." - Zig Ziglar 

Why do we care when we put off going to gym? Because we should? It’s because there is some result that we desire that is lost when we procrastinate- If you don’t work out, you spend another summer making excuses to keep your shirt on.

Why don’t we go to the gym then? We put it off because the reward of the good body doesn’t seem worth the effort. The reason why exercise pills, DVDs, and retarded vibrating equipment are bought so frequently is they claim to reduce the effort required to get the result. Would anyone put off the gym if just one gym visit per year could give you a 6 pack? Of course not. The gym would be full...once a year.

So if you want to stop procrastinating, you have to do one or both of the following:
• Desire the end result more
• Find a way to make the means to that result easier

"When you want something so bad that it hurts, doing the things that bring that thing to you automatically becomes the path of least resistance.”

It’s not enough to “stop procrastinating.” Even if you force yourself to “get to it,” you will likely do the thing half-assed just to get it out of the way. However if you’re focusing on the desired result more, it will hurt more to not do what you were putting off. Keeping images in your mind of that end result will give you "an itch" to start moving. The motivational poster industry has thrived on shitty slogans because of this.
Along with this, you need to make the job, or at least your perception of the job, easier. This comes from learning the proper material by getting a coach, or simply making a plan to do those things.

Skeletons on the front lawn

"If people searched your belongings after you died, would they be surprised at what they would find?"

This was one of the questions I answered on my OK Cupid profile. (Yes I have an account, no I'm not shy about it.) I answered "maybe, a little" but I want the answer to be "NO." Not because I want to clear my life of controversial activities, but because I don't want my "skeletons" to be hidden in a closet. It's all about the moral of Congruence.

"About morals, I know only that what is moral is what you feel good after and what is immoral is what you feel bad after."

-Ernest Hemingway

We naturally feel internal discomfort anytime we speak against our thoughts, or act against our words. This is a subconscious mechanism to have us always stay congruent. 

I don't think anyone I know would describe me as a "moral" person. I'm almost completely indifferent to both politics and religion, I frequently debauch until sunrise, and sometimes I don't wash my hands after I use the bathroom. My sense of right and wrong is often directed by how I feel at a given moment. Good and bad are matters of perception. Morality is subjective. 

My only concrete "moral" is congruence. Congruence is having all of your thoughts, speech, and action in alignment. Congruence is about representing every aspect of yourself, good, bad, and ugly without filtering. 

If there is something you do that you would be embarrassed about, either stop doing it, or stop being embarrassed. To continue doing something incongruent with your image is a crime against self. If you truly believe that you are doing the right thing, then you should be able to defend your actions without shame. You are whoever you are. Act that way.

The Virtue of Selfishness

"Secure your mask first, children and others after."

Anyone who has been on an airplane has heard a flight attendant say those safety instructions. The logic is simple. In the case of an air-related emergency (I'm not actually sure what would cause the masks to fall down), any "self-less" dude who tries to help a child with her mask before fixing his own may end up passing out, leaving both man and child in peril. When it comes to security, resources, or even emotional support, you can't help others till you help yourself. 

Only the strong can protect the weak, only rich can care for the poor, only the smart can look out for the stupid. Of course not every strong, rich, smart individual will use his or her powers for good. Why do bad things happen to good people? Because they let them, and good and bad are subjective. 

"The best thing you can do for the world is make the most of yourself."

-Wallace Wattles, The Science of Getting Rich

Doing right by you is the best thing you can do for everyone else.

You have to have it before you can give it away.

How Arnold feels when he improves himself

Maybe you won't feel this good after a productive activity, but its something to strive for ;)

What The Sims taught me about playing life

Growing up, I was a huge fan of Maxis's "Sims" games. My interest started with Sim Tower at 7 years old to and went to the most recent Sim City-which I reluctantly admit to playing earlier this year. When The Sims came out in 2000, I had to buy it. The Sims taught me a big lesson that shaped my outlook on how I spend my time.

The Sims is a game for "casual gamers." You create the appearance and personalities of various Sims and let them simulate. That's it. The only objectives are the ones that you create for them- achieving wealth, moving up in their careers, hooking up, raising families, whatever. It was your job to direct the Sims' actions so they could take care of their various needs: hunger, energy, social, hygiene, bladder, fun; and work on their skills: cooking, creativity, logic, charisma, mechanical, and athleticism. These needs could be taken care of in a variety of ways, which is what made the game so fun. 

I became totally attached to the first Sims family I created. The dad was an aspiring astronaut, the mom was a paramedic, they had two kids, and had the couple from next door move in with them- Full House style. My chief aim to was to get them promoted as high as possible so that they could make lots of money and build an awesome house with more things to do. 

Uncle Jesse and Aunt Becky were totally necessary.

I realized pretty quickly that certain activities gave double benefits. You could make a Sim watch TV to load up his "fun meter," OR you could make him swim which helps his "fun meter" and bolsters his "Athletic skill." With a stronger body the Sim could get certain promotions AND enjoy swimming even more. Sims who worked on skill development earlier always ended up earning more and being happier by doing more. 

Self-improvement activities lead to permanent benefits 

and are more fun in the long run.

My magnificent obsession with self-improvement didn't start till many years later around when I turned 16 and realized that playing Mario Kart on N64 may have been part of the reason that I was severely underweight, girlfriend-less, socially awkward, and perpetually bored. I turned to boxing and wrestling because "kicking ass" seemed like a good skill to have. Lifting weights and hitting punching bags totally sucked at first. But after a month of getting stronger they became way more fun than video games ever were.

I haven't been in a fight outside of a ring since...ever really, and I no longer play competitive sports, but the intense 2 year investment that I made in physical culture is still paying dividends. My anaerobically-augmented metabolism lets me eat junk and not get fat, I can run a 5k faster than most "avid runners," I often get picked first in football despite weighing only 145 lbs, and I have incredible stamina when it comes to most things ;)

Please select lifestyle.

The past 7 years I've tried to spend as much time as possible doing things that paid a long term dividend. Some of the ones I recommend are:

• Almost any kind of Martial Arts: Boxing/Kickboxing is the best for the violent. Judo/Jiu-Jitsu if you like the feeling of controlling another person. MMA is cool if you want a little of both. Tai Chi/Kung Fu if you are more turned on by the "Art" of Martial Arts. Either way, the physical benefit and emotional peace you get from training to "beat people up" will change your soul.
• Toastmasters: It's funny. When people ask me for hobby recommendations, way more people get freaked out by speaking in front of a group than getting punched by a boxing glove. Conquering "the number one fear" immediately makes you better than other people. Also very important for leadership ability.
• Reading Non-Fiction, specifically on Psychology: You can't learn people skills from a book. Trust me. But knowledge of how the mind works is not only fascinating, but really helps in your interactions with others. There are a ton of great books out there on pop psychology. If learning scares you, start with Malcolm Gladwell.
• Improv: Would you like to be funnier? Think faster? Have a more upbeat personality? And laugh your ass off? Improv is the single most beneficial activity I know that anyone can do. Often I'll say something hilarious on a date or hanging with friends and think, "where did I come up with that?... Oh yeah, Improv!" 

"Time is free, but it's priceless. You can't own it, but you can use it. You can't keep it, but you can spend it. Once you've lost it, you can never get it back." 

- Harvey McKay

You can have fun by spending your time, or by investing your time, either way time is used. There are a million interesting things to do that will pay you back in the long run. Channel surfing and wasteful entertainment are empty calories. Steak tastes just as good as cake. Only one of them is good for you. Ya dig?

Branded-ed: Minding what Matters

"Moo."

True marketing of the self starts with sharpening the product around a definite brand. Who gets branded? Cows get branded. The original term "branding" refers to burning a mark on livestock to denote their ownership and identity. You may not have taken a hot iron to the ass (I hope), but you most definitely have a brand.

Your brand is the sum of the thoughts and feelings associated with you.

To have a powerful brand you have to have a specific meaning to specific people. Gone are the days of mass marketing where it was possible to appeal to everyone and still matter to anyone. In Purple Cow, Seth Godin talks about how Jalapeno Ice Cream appeals to a very select fringe of the ice cream-eating market. But people who like Jalapeno Ice Cream, really like Jalapeno Ice Cream. These Jalepeno Ice Cream enthusiasts will travel ridiculous distances to get some.

"You cannot make it as a wandering generality. You must become a meaningful specific."

-Zig Ziglar

No one travels far for vanilla. No one craves vanilla at 4 am. No one will defend vanilla when vanilla's reputation is on the line. Vanilla appeals to everyone, as in it doesn't offend anyone. You don't necessarily have to try turn people off. Just know that if your target audience to has strong positive associations with you, those not in your audience may have negative associations with you. Think about some of the powerful personal brands today: Lady Gaga, Bill O'Reilly, Barack Obama- their haters would kill them, their fans would kill for them. In high school, someone will always hate the jocks, the rockers, and the valedictorians. No one hates the quiet average kid who lacks defining qualities- no one know who he is!

Self-branding Question 1:

Who to do you want to matter to?

(Target Audience)

I know there are plenty of people who I will never appeal to. I have a potty mouth and make analogies that sometimes don't make sense. That's fine. The people I do appeal to are cool with that. Anything worth loving is worth talking about. Anything worth talking about is worth talking shit about.

Too many people play it safe and wonder why their resume, their headshot, or their sales pitch gets lost in the sauce. There is too much vanilla out there already. Your better bet is to make your own flavor. Someone, somewhere, will like it. Chances are thats who you want to buy you anyway.

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."

-Dr. Seuss

Notice that we want to matter, not force a meaning. What does Jalapeño Ice Cream mean to a Jalapeño Ice Cream enthusiast? I don't know, go ask one. Social media's two-way communication prevents brands from forcing associations as they could in the mass media age. Whole Foods can't force consumers into seeing them as the "green supermarket." Chad Ochocinco can't force his followers into seeing him the "badass NFL receiver" (well, used to be.) However, their actions can influence discussions that may lead to those perceptions.

Self-branding Question 2:

How to you want to matter intially?

(Presentation of Content)

Your message is a projectile. You can determine it's initial direction and velocity (yes I'm a physics nerd, I know), but you can't control the external forces from there- what people will say about it. How you matter comes from what you do, and really who you are. Who to do want to be to your target audience? Assume that role and that's where you'll start. If your brand carries any value, your audience will start talking and effectively develop the brand for you. From their you can only guide, but not steer.

Of course, you need to get the ball off the ground first.

Building your brand means letting go. Letting go of the mass market. You can't please everyone- if you do you will be meaningless to everyone. You can't control your meaning either. People will say what they say, you can only join the conversation. For instance, I want to make character development "cool." I want show how self-improvement isn't just for new agey tree-huggers and bow tie-wearing super-christians (sorry Zig, I'm still a big fan). Obviously its a little hard to do that while still appealing to bow-tie-wearers. Create your message and let it go. Dr. Seuss said so.

What to do on a Sunday afternoon

"Millions long for immortality, who don't know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon."

-Susan Ertz

"Hey bro, what is the meaning of life?"

People go way too deeply into this question. Its really not that deep of a question at all. In fact its a nonsensical question if you don’t put a context around it. What is the meaning of weather? What’s the meaning a car? What’s the meaning of Tina Turner? Unless you are trying to define a term, those questions sound silly.

But lets put it in a context that can make sense. What is the meaning of life...for a tree?

An individualist can say a tree's purpose is to grow to the best of nature's ability and produce more awesome trees. Or a collectivist may say the tree's purpose is to serve the ecosystem by providing fruit and shelter for all the jungle critters. Either way, the meaning of life for one tree is basically the same as the meaning of life for any other tree of that species. “Self-actualization” for a tree is universal. The way one can benefit the world is also the same across the species. This is true for almost all living things.

Humans are little more complex. We are conscious, kind of. At least conscious enough to ask “Hey bro, what’s the meaning of life?” More consciousness, more problems.

Humans were able to grow flourishing societies due to specialization. Initially every cave-person had to hunt for themselves. Once agriculture became cool, an agriculturally-gifted caveman could make enough food for the whole village, another caveman could make enough baseball caps for everyone, and suddenly the other 43 cavemen had nothing to do. These idle cavemen could now pursue interests that may or may not benefit the other cavemen. One cavewoman loved singing so she learned to sing beautifully and the other cavemen loved it. She became a singer. Another caveman learned how to throw a mean fastball. They made him the pitcher on the caveman travel team.

We were all designed to be able to do something. Your caveman genes wouldn't have made it this far if you didn't have the ability to specialize in something awesome. Your genes definitely didn't adapt so you could do something boring or frustrating for the next 40 years.

What would you do if all your food, housing, and security needs were taken care of?

If you live in a first world country that shouldn’t be too hard of a question to ask. The major constraint for most people are bills and other man-made obligations. But in the complete story of your life, whats more important, your cell phone bill or your self-worth? To feel fulfilled, you must do what interests you. To get paid, you must do something that gives value to others. There is no reason why they can't be the same thing.

There is something you can be good at. Something you love to do, and would love to do for a living. Be a good human. Find your muse.